I cry a few times a week, more lately as I navigate a recent divorce . I was in a yoga teacher training once where we had to stand across from one of our classmates and look into their eyes without looking away for a very long time (maybe 10-15 minutes)…At first it was hard for me to do it, then we settled in, many many minutes later simultaneously both of our eyes welled with tears and we both cried. Come to Maine, we can do the exercise. If that doesn’t work we can watch the movie Beaches…that always does the trick;)
Hello, and nice to e-meet you; kazooooow, your words here are moving and inspired me to respond on this Monday morning. I am so sorry that you were shamed out of experiencing a full range of human emotions that you deserve to feel, especially by someone in a position of authority over you, such as a parent. I am the kind of person who cries often, and I HATED it for so, so, many years of my life because oftentimes it didn't feel like a choice. It was tied to nearly any heightened feelings I experienced. If I was anxious during a performance review: tears in the office. If I was moved watching humanity be kind in the form of someone helping another: tears in public. If I'm so happy and delighted that a friend thought to make me a special treat and say hello to me in person on my birthday: tears in front of a pal not expecting this reaction. If I'm filled with rage because a misogynistic person slighted my abilities, and I wasn't able to pivot fast enough to defend my own honor: tears when I want to perform calm. I used to DREAM of being able to keep my emotions under my own lock and key, and welp, I'm 41 and it's only in the last seven years since becoming a parent that I've realized that like many things, there are two sides to this emotional coin. Sometimes, I found out, it is actually, my superpower. I experience my emotions in-full and in the moment. I am unable to tamp them down, and while the aforementioned settings make this feel very unideal, my ability to really connect with other humans, including my wife and child, is immense. I am riding sidecar with you as you feel really high highs and the lowest of lows, without taking them on as my own. My emotional empathy and live-wire style abilities to hold on tight and try to enjoy the ride that is a full spectrum of feelings is incredible, but it can bring with it a huge sense of being totally out of control, and that never stops being scary. So, all of this to say, your tears are likely right there behind your gate that you previously closed up and put all the padlocks you can find in your attempts to seal it off forever. The thing about water though, is that it will find it's way through the cracks given enough time and force. You can do it, and you deserve to feel that special and specific release. I suspect when you do, you will feel catharsis in a way you did know was possible since hearing younger you humiliated in to closing that emotional door in your youth. Therapy helps, specifically EDMR, or maybe some mushrooms along with a guided spiritual psychedelic journey. I wish you so much love, and hope you give yourself grace through this process. Try speaking to the shadow version of yourself that is that younger kid being told to entirely stop an entire process of the human condition, and remind them it is ok to let it flow. Cheers.
wow, I'm sorry but what your father said to you is truly an awful thing to say to a child. To anyone really, but especially a child and I'm so sorry that he did. It makes me feel physically ill when people do shit like that to kids. I'd suggest therapy in conjunction with the psychadelics if you want to get the tears flowing and also, letting go of some of that control. the more tightly you hold it, the scarier it feels when it eventually breaks down. It's ok to feels the feels.
I cry a few times a week, more lately as I navigate a recent divorce . I was in a yoga teacher training once where we had to stand across from one of our classmates and look into their eyes without looking away for a very long time (maybe 10-15 minutes)…At first it was hard for me to do it, then we settled in, many many minutes later simultaneously both of our eyes welled with tears and we both cried. Come to Maine, we can do the exercise. If that doesn’t work we can watch the movie Beaches…that always does the trick;)
Hello, and nice to e-meet you; kazooooow, your words here are moving and inspired me to respond on this Monday morning. I am so sorry that you were shamed out of experiencing a full range of human emotions that you deserve to feel, especially by someone in a position of authority over you, such as a parent. I am the kind of person who cries often, and I HATED it for so, so, many years of my life because oftentimes it didn't feel like a choice. It was tied to nearly any heightened feelings I experienced. If I was anxious during a performance review: tears in the office. If I was moved watching humanity be kind in the form of someone helping another: tears in public. If I'm so happy and delighted that a friend thought to make me a special treat and say hello to me in person on my birthday: tears in front of a pal not expecting this reaction. If I'm filled with rage because a misogynistic person slighted my abilities, and I wasn't able to pivot fast enough to defend my own honor: tears when I want to perform calm. I used to DREAM of being able to keep my emotions under my own lock and key, and welp, I'm 41 and it's only in the last seven years since becoming a parent that I've realized that like many things, there are two sides to this emotional coin. Sometimes, I found out, it is actually, my superpower. I experience my emotions in-full and in the moment. I am unable to tamp them down, and while the aforementioned settings make this feel very unideal, my ability to really connect with other humans, including my wife and child, is immense. I am riding sidecar with you as you feel really high highs and the lowest of lows, without taking them on as my own. My emotional empathy and live-wire style abilities to hold on tight and try to enjoy the ride that is a full spectrum of feelings is incredible, but it can bring with it a huge sense of being totally out of control, and that never stops being scary. So, all of this to say, your tears are likely right there behind your gate that you previously closed up and put all the padlocks you can find in your attempts to seal it off forever. The thing about water though, is that it will find it's way through the cracks given enough time and force. You can do it, and you deserve to feel that special and specific release. I suspect when you do, you will feel catharsis in a way you did know was possible since hearing younger you humiliated in to closing that emotional door in your youth. Therapy helps, specifically EDMR, or maybe some mushrooms along with a guided spiritual psychedelic journey. I wish you so much love, and hope you give yourself grace through this process. Try speaking to the shadow version of yourself that is that younger kid being told to entirely stop an entire process of the human condition, and remind them it is ok to let it flow. Cheers.
wow, I'm sorry but what your father said to you is truly an awful thing to say to a child. To anyone really, but especially a child and I'm so sorry that he did. It makes me feel physically ill when people do shit like that to kids. I'd suggest therapy in conjunction with the psychadelics if you want to get the tears flowing and also, letting go of some of that control. the more tightly you hold it, the scarier it feels when it eventually breaks down. It's ok to feels the feels.
Tough listening to your "Coco" recording with your son.... tears come easily from it.
My husband also hadn’t cried for years and years. I’d never seen him cry. Then our son died. (Not recommending this strategy.)
Loved this.